Collaborative conversations do not have to follow a standard format, a set script, or rigid dialogue.

They simply require that all parties have complete and equal opportunity to share, to be listened to, and to clarify and verify what they hear the other person say.

There are a number of processes available for building collaborative conversation as the normal communication behavior. Several resources are listed below.

Here is one simplified look at what each party may keep in mind to help generate conversations that are open, authentic, and productive.

• When making one’s point(s), it helps to state what one understands are the facts at hand. (How often do we not view the same set of facts as our counterpart?)

• Following that, the speaker can share her interpretation of those facts, in other words what those facts mean to her perception, i.e., of the job, the project, the issue at hand. (How often do we see the same facts but give them a different assessment?)

• To bring the conversation to the personal, meaningful level, the speaker expresses his concern and feelings about the subject.  (How often do we force ourselves to stay “businesslike” and not get to the emotional level?)

Certainly, while the above speaking is occurring, the other party should be listening. Listening, remember, is what we do more often than any other of the communication modes (speaking, reading, writing). Listening is a skill in itself. Here are 5 listening steps that can generate collaborative conversations:

• First, the listener should harness all his focusing energy and encourage himself to shed all filters through which he might be listening.

• As the speaker expresses fact + interpretation + feelings, the listener receives and expresses empathetic awareness of what’s been said.

• Before jumping to respond, the effective listener checks that the speaker is complete.

• Then, as necessary, the listener verifies that what he has heard is actually what the speaker meant. This may take several exchanges to achieve validation.

• Finally, the listener wants to expand his awareness to collaborate on the exploration/solution of the subject. This means questions.

The benefits of a collaborative conversation, remember, are these

• Trust
• Authenticity
• Creativity
• Innovation
• Respect
• High performance
• And more?

Worth the effort?

Resources:

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes Are High; Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler (McGraw Hill: 2002)

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life; Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. (Puddle Dancer Press: 2003)

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Tags: Communication, Employee Engagement, Management, performance improvement